Dear Tess,
Those are words I thought I would never write. The reasons even I don't know. The paper (and the keyboard) pull the truth from me. So much power.
I started writing this while high on A line on my mother and father's porch area. Somewhere I know you've been. I love you, keep this in mind as you read. I truly, fully hate that I love you, somehow. You needed me. Note the underline.
What do I want to say. The love that I have felt for you has stood many tests. The test of time, the test of relationships, the test of distance, relationships, logic, and so on.
Unfortunately, my steam has run out-ish, so I'll try and make this quick.
In the nude, with a candle burning to my left I try to put into words thoughts, thoughts and emotions. Not an easy task.. Our situation was different. It was meant to be all that to people's bond could be, all that one never could be. And, that's exactly what it ended up being. All that never could be. Perhaps that was the attraction for both of us. My eyes are blurred, I'm listening to Neil Young. He's pretty kickass.
I thought for-ever that I couldn't live without you. Lately I've realized that I always have been. Hmph.
There will always be a spot for you in my van. Unfortunately, sleep wins. For me anyway. I truly hope you're okay. If not now, then someday. I wrote out a cd for you. Not cool.
I'm very angry with myself that this didn't go longer than it did, but I've run out of things to say.
My upbringing was a sort of mixed bag from caregivers. Near overcare from my mother and none from my father. You kind of fit that bill. Very there sometimes and impossible to reach others. I don't need that. In fact, it makes me hurt. From my face to my soul (feet, haha?). Wish me luck. Find yourself. Somewhere.
Love,
Brandon
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