Things I'm missing.

Now, usually I would fill a blog with this title with the combinations of letters that make the words that represent the things back home that I'm yearning to see, do, or be with. But, right now. That's not on the top of my head. Actually, nothing is really on the top of my head.

I seem to be in a downswing in some ways. No matter the event, or the people there, I can't bring myself to be happy about it.

I ate some food, watched some Stewart and Colbert and sat down to an unfinished blog and realized how drastically my mood had changed. Some further realization made me realize that I'd done this all to myself in the name of "my future". Whatever the fuck that means. Though, if there's one thing that I've learned is that the things you want and miss, aren't always the things that you really want. You simply want to want them so bad that it nearly becomes reality.

Up until recently I believed that I only had one love in my life. Dancing. I haven't been dancing lately. I'm depressed. The best dancing comes from the disturbed mind. Perhaps I'll pick up the beat again. Until another time. B.

I have swallowed the poison of being me.

Mood: Unknown.

I'm catatonically depressed about a possible future-based near-fantasy that I'd been holding. To think of it brought joy to me. Lately, that possibility has been crumbling. However, as depressed as I am, I've learned something.

Just as with every situation that seems hopeless to the point of absurdity before this one, I've come out of it with a greater knowledge of myself, those around me, and the human race as a whole.

I'd first like to apologize for my lack of typing skills, as; for some reason: I have none right now. My word wizardry has simply carried out the window and left me here to suffer alone. Completely incapabable of transferring my disappointment in one person and hatred of another. That's all I'm going to say, as things may change. Though, if there's one thing that I've realized is that the only way to never be disappointed is to have no hope for the future.

Lesson fuckin learned. I'll see everyone in the summer. I cannot wait.

If Brandonbrown could feel,

He'd miss home.
He'd long to hackey sack in the park at the bandstand.
He'd be excited about summer.

Today, a man on acid realized. Or, learned.

That the universe has supposedly been proven as finite. That shook my world.

Apparantly, I'm

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Yesterday A man on acid realized.

That all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration. We are all one consciousness viewing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we're the imagination of ourselves.

I can now rationalize my belief that I, and everyone else is the very centre of their respective universe. It's really quite simple once you wrap your head around it. Since the universe expands an infinite distance from any given point within it. Every point in the universe is a theoretical center of it, and therefore, my mind, for me; at all times is one of a limitless number of possible and actual center points of the universe.

A and B

Girl A and my feelings for said girl always get in the way of any possible relationship with girl B. Just because she's not girl A.

I forgot.

I forgot how much I love Benny Benassi.
I forgot what it's like to look forward to something.
I forgot what it's like to be a celebrity.

A gentleman from "The Overdrive" international nightclub came into beily's the other day, walked right up to the bar, and handed me a stack of free tickets to Benny Benassi at the end of the month.

"Can you bring people?" He asked.

I laughed and took the tickets. I'm uber-pumped. I decided to download some benny tracks, and realized that he's a fuckin amazing DJ. No lies. I'm retardedly excited. Only problem is that there are going to be several people that I work with there. Oh well.

Also, this Sunday, there's a staff party. First, a treasure hunt. Something that involves changing people's signs, stealing things, and generally causing a rucus. All of which I'm good at. Then, we have dinner/drinks, then...haha, we're going bowling. Which will be awesome, then back to somewhere else for drinks. Only problem is that there are going to be several people that I work with there. Oh well.

Finally, yeseterday saskatoon had the worste storm in over thirty years, or so I'm told. I was snowed into my house due to the fact that visibility was limited to about five feet. two people died. Froze to death I'm told. Everywhere in saskatoon closed down, and many many people had to stay at such hotels as "sobey's", "costco" and more.

Priorities shifting perceptions and people.

Funny story, on new years, I spoke with some random woman outside and after about 20 minutes of some of my best ranting, she was literally holding her head. About ten minutes after our conversation, though be it a little one sided, one of her friends, after I said hello to her, quickly responded by telling me not to say anything to her because I fucked up her friends head. I don't know how to feel about this, I'm a little proud, a little shameful and a little impressed.

Today, on the drive home, listening to the streets, I realized that my priorities in life have changed completely during 2006. I am now mostly focused on furthering my education and making money, where I succeed; which is unlike last year in that; last year, my main priority was fun, where I succeeded. I'm curious now as to how much of this is due to my "growing up", and how much of a good thing these priority shifts are.