If you look in the top bar of my uber-awesome internet explorer version 9.654 build 200532, you'll usually see at least two things. One of which starts off with my face and ends in a book, the other is my hot male. Wow, both of those sounded considerabley better in my head and seemed a little ridiculous when put to "print". Today, I've decided to add another. Blogger, with that kickass "B" that I've always associated with my own names.
I have been lonesome lately. I really only have two people I've let into my world lately and they're both either working, being a bitch, or annoyed with me for constantly calling them a bitch. Go figure.
I wrote my last final of the term today. Psychology. Summer classes blow. You wanna know the one thing that I learned? Of course you do. Don't skip class. There was some shit on that exam that I'd never heard of. Go figure.
What the hell am I going to do with myself now? I've realized that I already had too much time on my hands, and now I have even more. Perhaps hiding from myself won't be as easy this summer as it had been in past ones. Hopefully I get to come face to face with the person that I face in the mirror (or any reflective surface I happen to pass. I'm pretty). A hobby? I hate hobbies. Also, I like the hobbies that I already have and wouldn't want to make them jealous by adding another. Contradictions contradict themselves, and as a result; me. Go figure.
You see, I'm using a literary device called repetition to emphasize a point. I'm doing things that I know are wrong, and am; through this simple medium, bringing them to my attention. Hey, was there a ... shit, what the hell's it called... . subjective conjucture? Fuck it. Moving on. Brandonbrown is on the journey of self discovery. It's called life. It sucks sometimes, especially when you don't like the person that you let the evil bitch from hell turn you into.
I've become more and more aware of how judgemental I've been as of late. I see people, and boom; from inside my head comes some asshole comment. Fortunately I have a filter between my mind and my mouth these days, but hell. Where the hell are these thoughts coming from. Of course I know the answer to this and could explain mostly what part of the brain it's coming from and the probable events that lead up to this change in how I view people, but that question... up there. . . was more of a statement of surprise and not a desire to have it answered.
As a result of this hyper-judgementalness (new words rocksman), I've been self-punishing myself the way lil' dave used to cut me down for being an idiot. Self-punishing was not the right word. What I'm doing is trying to find my insecurities that are, not forcing, but causing me to judge people so and correct them. I hope this leads me to grow as a person. I'm sure it will.
Go figure.
