Thursday, August 03, 2006

Self-Loathing

Well, that title may have been a bit inappropriate, but I thought that it was fun to type, and may lead more people to read this. It's not as though I care one way or another who happens to read my "Insert Blog Title Here" blog on blogger.com...Which is the best site on the internet ever, and can be found at http://www.blogger.com. The preceeding message was brought to you by blogger.com which may or may not share some or all of the opinions or views written here.

I've been depressed lately. And I don't mean, "Hey, I'm a little depressed today" I mean I'm in a state of catatonic despair that's lasted almost three days and I'm unable to find the source. Now, some of you might be saying that this is an underlying (or overstanding) psychological condition that has both a name and treatment, but I believe there still must be a trigger.

Could it be my new job? Perhaps, the fact that the Moxies corporate staff who have stated that they encourage "individualism" are fucking liars. There's like a checklist of about 10-20 traits that everyone in my fuckin training class fit into. Well, the women anyway. I think they just hire the males to do all of the heavy lifting because you couldn't classify the FIVE of us into one mold. there's two "bigger" guys, obviously hired as they would be no threat to new waitresses. One long-haired, skrangly kid, that's obviously hired as a busboy (which he knows and has stated. Cool kid), a giant that's obviously got the bartender position as he has a "flavour saver" (see below), and myself (Insert brief physical description if you would like).

Could it be the fact that I MISS MY FUCKING FRIENDS? Yes, I'm sure that might have some small part to play in it. Or some immense part. See, it's not that I think that no one misses me, for it's been stated that they do, and I see no reason for all of them (you) to lie to me. For I believe that you do, but that's now making it worse. For, I know that if I up and left Saskatoon right now. Right this very second. Only one person would notice and moreover care that I was gone. My mother. Love her to death. But, she's not exactly going to smoke a doob with me and go over "Super Troopers" quotes with me and explain to some random why it's the best movie ever made.

Could it be that I haven't done anything fun since Motion Notion (best weekend ever)? Yes, I'm sure that I'm suffering a bit of cabin fever, and I feel a small sense of fear at the idea of leaving the house. Maybe I'll become a shut in, I think that'd be fun. With the yelling of people and throwing cats and whatnot. I've vowed to go out tonight, I know that bottled fun isn't quite the same as real fun, but when combined with smoke-able fun and sex with a stranger, it's close enough and sure to ease some of this tension (not the right word, but it worked) that I've been having to deal with on my own.

Writing this out made me feel worlds better. And what kind of saying is that? Worlds better? That's stupid.

*Note: Flavour saver: Type of facial hair located between the center of the lower lip and the chin, made popular in my circle by one Lil' Dave.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh ken.. how i would love to say we don't miss you just so you wouldn't have to be sad about us being sad about missing you..
but i can't. and im not gonna lie, new jobs are kind of depressing specially when they so blatently say they are all for individualism and then have like 20 girls that all look the same with the tiny waists and big boobs with big blonde hair and tanned skin..
I'm sorry that you're feeling sad, but you have to go out and show everyone there how lovely you are.
Cos you live there now.. You can't just be missing us and being sad all the time, i mean thats no way to live.
So get out there, as hard as it is.. make some new friends.. as much as they can be called friends at least.. and show them how frickin unreal you are. Cos i know you can.
I love You kEn(L)