Woah.

Had a pretty awesomeful (hard trance) dream last night.

Here I was eh, on this train that was transporting this extremely dangerous and powerful toxic weapon, when...obviously, as one would be, we were ambushed by jewish terrorists. The group that was responsible for the attacks of september 11th and the the battle that the movies 300 and grindhouse were based on.

Our only option was too unleash this terrifying weapon onto these poor, cruel, jewish souls.

Being in charge, the task of issuing this order fell directly on my shoulders.

"Do it." I ordered.

"But sir, do you know what will happen?" Said...some small, soon to die fool.

"Of course I do, I designed this weapon, but once those terrifying effects wear off, they'll be dead, and we'll be safe," I incorrectly stated.

One of the effects of this weapon was that, for a short time, all those infected became insanely strong and almost "zombie-like" before they died. In the lab, when they died, we simply put them into barrels and burried them in the ground.

We set off the attack. Green (obviously) clouds of doom spread around everywhere. Our gas masks saved us....for now.

The enemy twitched and threw themselves around the hillside and off the bridge that we were on. They all fell....We were safe....

Then came the shots....and the screams...

I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo....or, moreover, a zombie movie....and I was untouchable...Jumping from one side of the train to the other, with an AR47 gas powered, semi-automatic weapon pumping round after round into the terrorist zombie scum.

Needless to say, I awoke with an erection.

Must Post Posts...Before it's too Late.

overcome by your moving temple
overcome by this holiest of altars
so pure, so rare
to witness such a lovely goddess

i lost my self control
beyond compelled to throw this dollar down
before your holiest of altars

i'll sell my soul, my self esteem
a dollar at a time for one chance, one kiss
one taste of you my magdalena

i've beared witness to this place, this lair, so long forgotten
so pure, so rare, to witness such a lovely goddess

and i'd sell my soul, my self-esteem
a dollar at a time for one chance, one kiss,
one taste of you my black madonna

i'll sell my soul, my self-esteem
a dollar at a time
for one taste, one tasteone taste of you my magdalena

I thought that it was the most beautiful love song I've ever heard. I still can't get past it. Ow, my eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it. Ow, I'm in hell.

Mixmaster me.

Mixmaster Mike tonight.

Nervous.

Excited.

Grinface

mook (m??k) Pronunciation Key n. Slang An insignificant or contemptible person.

Anyone who knows me.

Anyone who knows me knows me that I know me hating the laughter.


The Best Band EVER

But I don't pocess the necessary language to do so.

All right, here's the setup.

About 2 weeks ago I was informed that nutmeg holds hallucinogenic and delirient properties. Intrigued I gathered some fresh nutmeg and went searching for a guinea pig to give some to.

A dishboy at my place of employment fit the bill. He was dim, eager...and, ironically named Brandon. I fail to see the humor and don't wish to. Now, he injested them at work (never recommended) and noted the terrible taste/texture. The next day he called in sick, but the next time I spoke with him, he did his best to share with me his first psychadelic experience. Needless to say, he didn't handle it well (being alone high for over 24 hours) and I don't recomment Nutmeg as a beginner's psychadelic.

So, two weeks go by and I do my research. Reading people's trip stories on places like erowid.org (the greatest source on the internet) as well as others.

I found out that many people do not have good trips off of this. Though, these were almost exclusively kids with little or no drug experience that broke some of the cardinal rules of psychadelics. Several "seasoned" drug-takers' reports of their trips sounded right up my alley.

So, with a day off (yesterday); I decided to eat some of them. I carefully weighed out 19 grams. Appx 3 whole, fresh nutmeg (always weigh nutmeg, it's terribly easy to overdose), and planned my day.

The first 5 hours are all waiting, which I expected. Then about halfway through the 5th hour, blamo. Like I'd smoked a pound and a half of mushroom laced weed man.

Getting into the 6th or 7th hour, I went and saw pan's labrynth, a brilliantly directed spanish adult fantasy film that I highly recommend. Needless to say, I ignored much of the subtitles and instead focused on the stunning visuals and impecable musical score. Then, t'was home to bed.

I've read that many people had trouble getting to sleep on the old megtrain. I must have been the exception to that rule. Smoking about a gram of bubble hash will do that to you I guess. But, sleeping and more importantly dreaming seemed to be the best part of the trip. Extremely vivid, colorful, senseless flights of fancy filled my mind whilst I slept. And I awoke, about a half hour before my alarm was set to go off, more refreshed than I had been in months that early. And, luckily for me, still stoned off my tits. So, naturally I kept the party going and injested another 15-20 grams.

Philosophy class was terrific, though I did laugh inappropriately several times. I was slightly sedated by the Nutmeg, but it wasn't in such a manner that I was incapable or unwilling to move, I was just comfortable while not moving. (which is highly unusual for myself).

All in all I say that was a brilliant time. Not sure I need to do it again, as I'm going on my 48th hour tripping(?), and my stomach's now starting to get a little sore. Though, I'd give it a 7 out of 10. Where, be you a somewhat spiritual person, you should find it at least mildly informative.

I've got news for you. Yes man, I've got some news.

I've found a song that's summing up most of what I'm feeling. Well, actually; this was a alykhan find. Those of you that aren't familiar with Mr. Walji and his musical taste should be. That said, t'is a song by the faint titled agenda suicide.

you could follow logic
or contest it all
the work solution makes the common house a home

the element of progress
that you mention is gone
it de-evolved to something you were headed toward

as i lay to die the things i think
did i waste my time, i think i did- i worked for life

all we want are just pretty little homes
our work makes pretty little homes

like a cast shadow
like a fathers dream
have a cut out son
what's a worse disease
to get that pretty little home

as i lay to die the things i think
i don't want to regret what i did- and work for life

all we want are just pretty little homes
our work makes pretty little homes
agenda suicide, the drones work hard before they die
and give up on pretty little homes

(like a cast shadow)
our work makes pretty little homes
our work makes pretty little homes
agenda suicide, the drones work hard before they die
and give up on pretty little homes

What's really missing in your life?

After reading a respose to a blog from TR, I realized what I truly was missing in my life.

It's odd, you know. That, I now have money and a moderate amount of success in a glamorous industry, and I feel empty. As though, the world wouldn't notice if I just didn't wake up one morning. And, this isn't a good feeling. I'm sure many of you can attest to the validity of that statement. Whether you know from experience or from the lyrics of some lame ass simple plan song, the words aren't any less true. I'm not needed by anyone. Anywhere, as far as I know.

What could brandonbrown be missing from his life, you ask. Well, many things. Too many things. I seem to have traded everything that I had in my life for everything I didn't have while at the same time losing everything that I had. I'll tell you right fucking now, that; this time at least, the grass is white on this side.

But the most noticeable thing that's missing from my existence is a person to share it with. There seems to be no one that I can connect with on this side of the mountains.
Perhaps, you feel as I feel. That this is impossible, and that I must be doing it to myself. This is true. I'm conciously aware of it. I'm pushing people away that I may otherwise be the best of friends with. Even worse is my unwillingness to start a relationship with women due to the fact that I'm unfairly comparing them with a woman with whom I have such strong feelings for that I'm almost at a loss for words both in describing these feelings and how absurd and helpless they make me feel.

I can almost assure you, avid reader, that the person in question will undoubtedly not respond to this outpouring of emotion, just as she has systematically avoided every other post on the subject. For reasons that I understand all too well.

Furthermore, I have decided not to come back to Prince George to live for the summer. As disappointed as you may be. (are you?). I can assure you that I feel more than your collective disappointment. But, the way that I see it is that I now live in Saskatoon. I've moved on. Fuck, that's hard to read, but it stands as the truth. Don't get me wrong, I will be back. Perhaps to fix the relationships that I've ruined, or to try start new ones that I should have; but, I will be back.

Oh, I thought I'd take this time to wonder out loud why no one is making any fucking effort whatsoever to come and see me. I hear enough sob stories everyday about how upset people are that I'm gone. Yet, I've heard not one request for a room to stay in or a bed to sleep on. Nothing. Which, in itself is a little bit depressing. I don't know, maybe I'm viewing this incorrectly. Perhaps I'm just making some vain attempt to make you feel sorry for me. But, either way. A little word here and there isn't all that much to ask coming from me. The calls that I do get, god; they're great. Just know that I love you, and I have for as long as I've known you. Goodnight.

Things I'm missing.

Now, usually I would fill a blog with this title with the combinations of letters that make the words that represent the things back home that I'm yearning to see, do, or be with. But, right now. That's not on the top of my head. Actually, nothing is really on the top of my head.

I seem to be in a downswing in some ways. No matter the event, or the people there, I can't bring myself to be happy about it.

I ate some food, watched some Stewart and Colbert and sat down to an unfinished blog and realized how drastically my mood had changed. Some further realization made me realize that I'd done this all to myself in the name of "my future". Whatever the fuck that means. Though, if there's one thing that I've learned is that the things you want and miss, aren't always the things that you really want. You simply want to want them so bad that it nearly becomes reality.

Up until recently I believed that I only had one love in my life. Dancing. I haven't been dancing lately. I'm depressed. The best dancing comes from the disturbed mind. Perhaps I'll pick up the beat again. Until another time. B.

I have swallowed the poison of being me.

Mood: Unknown.

I'm catatonically depressed about a possible future-based near-fantasy that I'd been holding. To think of it brought joy to me. Lately, that possibility has been crumbling. However, as depressed as I am, I've learned something.

Just as with every situation that seems hopeless to the point of absurdity before this one, I've come out of it with a greater knowledge of myself, those around me, and the human race as a whole.

I'd first like to apologize for my lack of typing skills, as; for some reason: I have none right now. My word wizardry has simply carried out the window and left me here to suffer alone. Completely incapabable of transferring my disappointment in one person and hatred of another. That's all I'm going to say, as things may change. Though, if there's one thing that I've realized is that the only way to never be disappointed is to have no hope for the future.

Lesson fuckin learned. I'll see everyone in the summer. I cannot wait.

If Brandonbrown could feel,

He'd miss home.
He'd long to hackey sack in the park at the bandstand.
He'd be excited about summer.

Today, a man on acid realized. Or, learned.

That the universe has supposedly been proven as finite. That shook my world.

Apparantly, I'm

I am 44% Geek.

You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the
Geek Test
@ FualiDotCom

Yesterday A man on acid realized.

That all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration. We are all one consciousness viewing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we're the imagination of ourselves.

I can now rationalize my belief that I, and everyone else is the very centre of their respective universe. It's really quite simple once you wrap your head around it. Since the universe expands an infinite distance from any given point within it. Every point in the universe is a theoretical center of it, and therefore, my mind, for me; at all times is one of a limitless number of possible and actual center points of the universe.

A and B

Girl A and my feelings for said girl always get in the way of any possible relationship with girl B. Just because she's not girl A.

I forgot.

I forgot how much I love Benny Benassi.
I forgot what it's like to look forward to something.
I forgot what it's like to be a celebrity.

A gentleman from "The Overdrive" international nightclub came into beily's the other day, walked right up to the bar, and handed me a stack of free tickets to Benny Benassi at the end of the month.

"Can you bring people?" He asked.

I laughed and took the tickets. I'm uber-pumped. I decided to download some benny tracks, and realized that he's a fuckin amazing DJ. No lies. I'm retardedly excited. Only problem is that there are going to be several people that I work with there. Oh well.

Also, this Sunday, there's a staff party. First, a treasure hunt. Something that involves changing people's signs, stealing things, and generally causing a rucus. All of which I'm good at. Then, we have dinner/drinks, then...haha, we're going bowling. Which will be awesome, then back to somewhere else for drinks. Only problem is that there are going to be several people that I work with there. Oh well.

Finally, yeseterday saskatoon had the worste storm in over thirty years, or so I'm told. I was snowed into my house due to the fact that visibility was limited to about five feet. two people died. Froze to death I'm told. Everywhere in saskatoon closed down, and many many people had to stay at such hotels as "sobey's", "costco" and more.

Priorities shifting perceptions and people.

Funny story, on new years, I spoke with some random woman outside and after about 20 minutes of some of my best ranting, she was literally holding her head. About ten minutes after our conversation, though be it a little one sided, one of her friends, after I said hello to her, quickly responded by telling me not to say anything to her because I fucked up her friends head. I don't know how to feel about this, I'm a little proud, a little shameful and a little impressed.

Today, on the drive home, listening to the streets, I realized that my priorities in life have changed completely during 2006. I am now mostly focused on furthering my education and making money, where I succeed; which is unlike last year in that; last year, my main priority was fun, where I succeeded. I'm curious now as to how much of this is due to my "growing up", and how much of a good thing these priority shifts are.

All your base are belong to us.

I was bored.

HERE IT IS...









Don't steal from monks:

Happy Christmahanukwanzika

This holiday sucked. If you can call it a holiday. I had yesterday off work because we were closed, I called in sick on Christmas eve, and I'm back to work today (Boxing day). I hate being sick.

The most discriminated people in the world.

Smokers.

It's akin to the persecution that the blacks felt four score and ten years ago. We're not allowed in some places, parents with children get all snarky. Some parents won't let their daughters date smokers. Some women won't date smokers, though that's personal choice and you could be losing a great guy over something as trivial as smoking, but that's just my opinion.

I know how it feels to be persecuted. Which is ironic because I'm a twenty year old white male living in Canada. The greatest nation on earth. Besides australia. Oh, and China, they're fuckin rad over there.